1). For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
2). If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
3). Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
4). A conscience is what hurts most when all your other parts feel so good.
5). Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.
6). Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
7). By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
8). Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
9). Intel inside stupid outside 
10). Chess and women...........
 chess = Predictable
     = Logical
  = Somebody wins somebody looses
  = Rules.
 women = unpredictable
  = No logic
  = Nobody wins nobody
   = No rules
11). Women are all like pack of cards, you need a heart to give them, a diamond to marry them, a club to hook them and a spade to bury them.
12). Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars, I damn care what you are.