1)
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he
got older he was increasingly hampered by terrible
headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life
started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another,
he finally came across a doctor who solved the
problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration. You
have a very rare condition which causes your testicles
to press up against the base of your spine. The
pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way
to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had
anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long
enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to
go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he
felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt
like a different person. He could make a new beginning
and live a new life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought,
"That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop
and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...
size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe
admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure!"
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see,... 34
sleeve and... 16 and a half neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe
adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure!"
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9
and a half wide."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman
asked, "How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure!"
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see. . .
7 5/8."
Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the
salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure!"
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said,
"Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18
years old."
The salesman shook his head and said, "You can't wear
a size 34. It would press your testicles up against
the base of your spine and give you one hell of a 
...................

2)
Youngest Son: Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between
potentially" and " in reality" ?
Dad: I will show you ....
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: Would you sleep with Robert
Redford for 1 million dollars?
Wife: Yes of course ! I would never waste such an opportunity!
Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1
million dollars?
Daughter: Waow !!! Yes! This is my fantasy!
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: Would you sleep with
Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?
Elder Son: Yeah !! Why not ? Imagine what I could do with 1 million
dollars! I would never hesitate!
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son,
"potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but "in reality"
we are living with 2 bitches and 1 gay!